Eden & Eimear answer YOUR dating dilemmas!

Eden reunites with dating coach Eimear from Kindling Dating Coaching for a special listener Q&A - dating apps, rejection, dealbreakers, and Eden's own dating dilemma.

Eimear returns to Queer Love Stories to team up with Eden and answer real listener dilemmas together: how to meet people when you hate bars, clubs and dating apps; how to handle being blocked or ghosted right before a date; what to say on a first date when you have zero dating experience; whether it's reasonable to expect a partner to get an STI test; dating someone with kids; and living with a partner's badly behaved dog. Eimear also shares her own dating coaching journey and the "dating persona" quiz she built to help people spot the patterns holding them back.

Then the tables turn: Eden opens up about her own current dating dilemma - a five-month situationship she still won't call a relationship - and gets coached live on why she's struggling to let someone in.

Find out where you're getting stuck in your dating!

Queer Love Stories and Kindling Dating have teamed up to answer your dating dilemmas. 

You can send me your dilemmas by direct message or by emailing hello@edenheath.co.uk

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

I want to create the best independent podcast for the LGBTQ+ community, and I need your help to do it! Take a few minutes to GIVE YOUR FEEDBACK IN OUR LISTENER SURVEY ⚡️

I fund this podcast to bring the highest quality content, the most interesting guests, and inspiring conversations whilst working full-time.

Please support the podcast by checking out the links below:

Claim your exclusive 10% discount and get your love story started with Kindling Dating Coaching 💗

Get your first and fifth Daily Doser for just £3.50 from Skin+Me to finally feel confident in your skin!

Buy me a coffee to show your love for the content I create - mine's a brown sugar oat shaken espresso 😉

Sign up to MisterBnB as a guest or host to support the podcast and find your next adventure.

CREDITS
Queer Love Stories is hosted, produced, and edited by Eden Heath, and mixed & mastered by Benji Antonio.
 
Follow Queer Love Stories on Instagram 💕
Follow Eden on Instagram 💕
Following Kindling Dating ❣️

If you or someone you know has a story to share we'd love to hear from you, send us a message on Instagram or email hello@edenheath.co.uk

Listen to Eden's ULTIMATE BREAKUP ANTHEMS PLAYLIST ❤️‍🩹

Get your love story started with Kindling Dating Coaching now 💗

Get your first and fifth Daily Doser for just £3.50 from Skin+Me to finally feel confident in your skin!

Get your love story started with Kindling Dating Coaching now 💗

Get your first and fifth Daily Doser for just £3.50 from Skin+Me to finally feel confident in your skin!

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Eden: Welcome to a very special episode of Queer Love Stories. It's your host Eden here, and I'm doing things a little different today. I'm joined by my amazing dating coach, Eimear, who you may remember from my dating rehab journey last year. Welcome to Queer Love Stories, Eimear.

Eimear: Hi, thanks for having me.

Eden: Thank you for joining. I feel like we've been planning this for a little while now, since like December.

Eimear: Yeah, yep.

Eden: And I guess I should probably say why we are joined here today is because we are joining forces to answer some dating dilemmas from some of my incredible listeners who've been in touch over Instagram.

Eimear: Yeah, can't wait.

Eden: But before we do that, why don't you give the listeners a little bit of a background into your wonderful world? So, what was the catalyst that inspired you to become a dating coach?

Eimear: Very much so, personal experience. I was single for a long time, like well over a decade. And I was in that phase of like, I'm focusing on my career, I'm fine on my own, I don't need anybody until I realized actually a lot of my life goals were actually important and I did actually want them, and it was okay to prioritize them. And I met my husband through Tinder, and that kind of got me thinking, seeing it from his side, because I knew from my side, like in heteronormative couples, that women were finding dating hard, and we'll get together and have a bitch about it, and usually blame the men.

Eimear: And then I saw from his side that it was really really hard for men as well, and it just kind of got my head thinking of like, what's going wrong here? Why are people so stuck? And it started a little bit of a journey for me. My background is actually fashion e-commerce, so while I was still working on that, my clocks were turning.

Eimear: I did counseling studies. I started working on the idea for Kindling Dating. Initially, actually, I thought I might do another dating app, and then I was like, bloody hell, no, we have enough dating apps. And actually, the problem isn't the finding the people.

Eimear: The problem is allowing yourself to let somebody in, and it's how you're showing up when you're meeting people and the defense mechanisms that we've built up. Because I didn't realize, I thought I was doing all the dating, and I thought I was open and wanting to meet somebody, but I had massive brick walls up. And if you went on a date with me in my 20s, it was very much so I don't need you vibe, which probably wasn't all that attractive.

Eden: It's quite scary as well in that environment. I mean, I do that. So I know what it's like. I don't need you in my life.

Eden: So it's just kind of, but it does make people almost want you more a little bit, which is just crazy.

Eimear: That was definitely not my experience. Maybe also, I mean, this is my excuse anyway. Irish flirting is basically absolutely rip the piss out of you and see how you cope. The work that I did to bring down those walls, I thought there's probably a lot of other people that need that as well, because you don't realize you're doing it.

Eden: No, and it's just second nature, isn't it really? You kind of go on autopilot sometimes with it.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: And I know that's what I felt when we were doing The Coaching together. But it is what I do really love about your story is obviously, you're in a heteronormative relationship. And even though whoever you're dating, the challenges are still the same for the most part. They're still ghosting.

Eden: They're still not being ready. They're still walls. They're still those barriers. And, okay, there might be different layers, depending on who you're dating, but the challenges are all the same.

Eimear: Yeah. And I think the one thing that's completely new to everyone, regardless of gender or orientation, is that we're humans. We all have flaws. It's do we have the self-awareness to recognize the flaws in ourselves and then the empathy to accept flaws in other people?

Eimear: And I think particularly in this kind of dating now through apps where it feels, it can feel throwaway, it can feel like, oh, you know, that didn't work, I'll find another one. Are we ever actually taking the pause to go, well, actually, what was my input into that not working out and what would I want to do differently the next time? And I think that's really powerful. And that's exactly what kindling is all about.

Eimear: It's putting the focus back on you, you know, getting really clear on what you want, what you bring to a relationship, where you might fall into repeating patterns and how to catch that and do something different and how to genuinely be open. Because I think we can very easily fall into trying to control things, being very judgmental, and apps, I think, particularly can lead you into that judgey vibe. And it's really taking the focus on you and taking it away from, you know, as soon as you mention dating to anyone, automatically, we'll go and talk about online dating and dating apps and how bad they are, and here's all my horror stories. And it's like, the dating is just, it's just the method to get to the thing that you want.

Eimear: And that could be like another 30 years together with somebody. So it's almost not, it's stuck in the fear aspect of the first stages, and allow yourself to actually truly be open.

Eden: And I always say that those horror dating stories are exactly that, they're good stories to tell your friends. You get something out of it either way. Even if it's not the love of your life, you've got a good story to tell.

Eimear: Yeah, that's true. As long as you don't fall into that being your motives. You know, like I think I did that a little bit where I was like, oh, you know, my dating life is funny dinner time stories. And actually, that doesn't feel that great sometimes.

Eden: No, not when you're kind of being rolled out at the party. It's to be like, oh, tell that funny story about this person. I know I do that with certain friends because they have great stories. Like I say, you've got to find that balance with it.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: Of also trying to get what you want. I think what is important is I should probably explain how and why we met, because there could be people out there listening that have not listened to my last series, which was Data Rehab, which is what we did in collaboration, because you coached me for six weeks to try and be a better human and date correctly.

Eimear: Yeah. I heard your Heartbreak series, and I reached out when you were in the middle of, when you'd obviously already recorded it, but I was listening to it and I was like, hmm, I feel like when you're ready for the dating phase, I can help you out. So yeah, it was really nice that you've done a lot of that processing of past hearth, and you were in quite an open energy. And then, yeah, I have a six week program, which is what most people work with me for, either one-to-one or group.

Eimear: So we did it one-to-one. And then you, yeah, did your rehab series out of it.

Eden: I did. I got so much out of it, and I think I didn't really know what to expect going into it. And for those people who have listened to the series, I went on a real journey, and I think a lot of, probably at a certain point, I won't give too many spoilers for those who haven't listened to it yet. I did notice that there was one point where I realized, oh, maybe I'm not 100% ready for this.

Eden: But then I found myself in a situation where I'm like, oh, but I kind of want to be ready now. And that's something we'll kind of get into later. But it is fantastic to have you here. I'm really excited to get stuck into some problems.

Eden: But what have you been doing since our last session, which was probably like the beginning of December now?

Eimear: Lots. So I have launched a quiz, actually, that I put quite a bit of work into of helping people identify what their dating persona is. Because I see kind of repeating patterns with clients where they're either stuck in fear or they're stuck in kind of waiting energy or disillusionment. So it's a quick two minute quiz that you can take.

Eimear: I'll send you the link that you can share around. And then it gives you, from your answers, what dating persona you've gotten stuck in and how that might be blocking you. And then there's an audio series, five day audio series that people can access for free within the Kindling app. Just to start trying to break out of those patterns.

Eimear: And you said you weren't sure what to expect when you started working with me. And I think a lot of people think dating coaching is about what your profile looks like and what messages you send and how to talk to people in real life. And it is all that kind of practical stuff, but a lot of it is really about your mindset. And the persona quiz is just the first step in seeing where you might be getting stuck.

Eimear: So that's been really fun. And then one-to-one clients and groups are up and running as well. So I've got the six week, It's Your Turn. So that one, I've won live now.

Eimear: Obviously, we launched one on the back of our rehab in collaboration together for Queer Love Story listeners. And we're going to do another one at the end of March as well.

Eden: Yes, we are. Which I'm super excited for. To get some Queer Love Stories listeners back dating again. And we'll give more information about that towards the end of the episode as well.

Eden: But I just wanted to touch on what you said about the persona quiz that you've done as well, because I actually did that. And I can confirm. It is very accurate. Because I can't remember the exact name of the one I got, but it was definitely the fearful...

Eimear: You were the heart shielder.

Eden: The heart shielder. That was it. And I was like, oh my god. And you just reminded me, I need to listen to those audios.

Eden: I said I would. But yeah, I'm actually going to, because I think they could be quite beneficial for me. Because we will definitely go into this a bit later on. So after we've done everyone else's problems, we're going to go and do a bit of a deep dive into my own issues.

Eden: Because I thought I'd use this opportunity, because why not?

Eimear: An update.

Eden: Yeah, because I am either on the precipice of being in a relationship, or I'm teetering on the edge of a breakup that's not really a breakup, but kind of is a breakup. And we will get into that later. So we've got that to look forward to. That is the teaser, exactly.

Eden: But I think we should tuck in some problems.

Eimear: Yeah, let's go.

Eden: So I will give them a read out, and then we will dissect and see. You can give your expert opinion, and I will give my...

Eimear: I've literally just been rolling my sleeves up there, as you're saying that.

Eden: Oh my God, I love that. Getting ready to tuck in. I've got my bib on. I am literally so ready for this.

Eden: So this is our first problem. I'm already loving this. I feel like this should be a regular thing.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: People are constantly saying that dating apps suck, and you've got to get in the real world to meet people in real life. But where exactly? I don't like bars. I don't like clubs.

Eden: All my hobbies don't require me to leave the house. Cold approaching women in public is creepy, and I would never approach someone who probably doesn't want to be bothered. I have about three close friends, and we're basically all introverts who never go out. I'm getting too old for parties.

Eden: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. There we have it. That's our first problem.

Eimear: And this is quite a common thing, I think, because, yeah, like we touched on earlier, everyone likes to slag off dating apps, and everyone hates them until you beat something to them. And then you're like, oh, yeah, they do work.

Eden: And they do, and they can work. I mean, obviously, you met your husband through Tinder.

Eimear: The worst one.

Eden: I met my... Well, I don't know, from a gay perspective, maybe not. But I met my last boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend on Hinge. So like, it can work.

Eden: I mean, sometimes better than others. But I do get where they're coming from for this, because I'm much more of a person, even for meeting someone on a dating app, I want to meet you within the first few days. I don't want to end this conversation. But what can we do when it comes to meeting someone if we don't necessarily have hobbies that take us out into groups?

Eimear: I like to break things down into streams, essentially. Like almost like you're kind of project managing yourself a little bit. So all clients, I say, do online dating or dating apps, because it does open up a massive pool. But I have quite an efficient strategy for that, which I will come back to.

Eimear: Just be more open generally with your network, like with people in work, with your friends, with your family, just like, oh, I'd love to meet somebody. Because if you've been single for a while, people are afraid to ask, and they just assume that you're fine on your own. And it's not necessarily that they will know somebody and that they're going to introduce somebody, but it's just a more open energy. And it's almost like you're, you know, if you believe in the universe or whatever you want to believe in, you're kind of throwing it out there and seeing what comes back.

Eimear: And then the third is getting out and whether that is going to singles events. And I would say particularly in like heteronormative, if you're male, absolutely go to singles events because they generally tend to have more room than men at them. So, you know, you're kind of already in a good position there. But even if it's just push yourself to try a new hobby, myself and my husband Sam, we did improv.

Eimear: And we initially signed up to it because we were both kind of in a space we were interviewing for jobs. And it's like, oh, it's probably good for interview skills. And it was amazing. You left work and you laughed for about 90 minutes straight.

Eimear: We were both rubbish at improv, but everyone else in the room was so funny. And it just kind of breaks you out. And it gives you tools for starting conversations. And I know that person mentioned about like, I don't want to go up and just approach people randomly.

Eimear: And they think you can as long as you're respectful. Like as long as you are, if it is a no, you're like, okay, fine, thanks. And you don't have to go straight in with, can we go out? It can just be nice weather today or what do you think of?

Eimear: I don't know, the music playing or just even a smile. Like I think we've kind of lost that muscle generally of talking to strangers. And I know I always set a challenge for all clients as well to like talk to a hundred people of the sex that you're interested in. It doesn't matter if they're your type, if they're not your type, if they're married or single, it doesn't matter.

Eimear: It's not that you're hitting on them. It's just that you're practicing that muscle of opening up conversations. So that's the kind of three streams. So online, you know, specific kind of singles events and just generally getting out and meeting more people and widening your circle and then be more open with your network.

Eden: I think it is really true about just open up your mindset when it comes to dating and actually what is going to work for you. And I've noticed this a lot when I go to like places like work or the gym. And I'm one of those people, I will speak to anyone. I will have a conversation with people I don't know, and I just really enjoy it.

Eden: But sometimes when you're faced with that closed off energy, it makes me not want to because I kind of read the room like, okay, these people don't want to engage. And it is just about, like I say, putting yourself in those situations and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. And it is difficult.

Eimear: Yeah, it is.

Eden: And it opens you up to rejection. It opens you up to, but like I say, once you practice it and get used to it, you're kind of using that muscle. And it's just like, you go into the gym for your body.

Eimear: I was going to say that kind of two things that come to mind with that was like, one, yes, you are facing rejection, but you know what, the more we can build our resilience to rejection, the easier it is. And secondly, I think we get two in our own heads, we're like, what if they think this about us, or what if they think I'm being weird? And actually, if you flip it and think, I'm going to speak to strangers as an act of service, because maybe there's people that haven't spoken to anyone today. And you just saying hi, how's your day, might brighten their day.

Eimear: Or you offering to help carry something for them. Almost like, just think of it back in your grandparent's time, that was just normal. And it was nice, and it was polite, and it wasn't seen as creepy. So bring a bit of that back, because it'll probably make somebody smile.

Eden: It's just like community, isn't it? And that's something we definitely have lost, I think, in some aspect. We don't have that community. You don't really know your neighbors.

Eden: You don't really speak to people in passing, in public transport. I mean, it's probably a bit more common for like me, because obviously I'm in Leeds, you're in London. Yeah, there's a very different divide. And that's not even just being kind of stereotypical, because you even go to somewhere like Manchester, and Manchester is very different to Leeds as well.

Eden: People are less likely to be open and chat in Manchester, I feel, than they are in Leeds. Exactly. It doesn't mean that we can stop that. We can be the person to kind of open that up.

Eden: And I know I had a guest in my last guest series, his name was Rossy Lewis. And he basically revolutionized Clapham in London because he did a TikTok basically saying that nobody wants to say hello. Nobody wants to engage. Like, it's really frustrating.

Eden: This TikTok went viral. And then all of a sudden, when he was walking through about Clapham Common and the High Street, everyone's like waving at him like, hi, love. Because he'd like, you know, start that. People wanted it.

Eden: People wanted that connection. And he kind of was the catalyst that started it all. So it is possible. If it's possible in Clapham, it is possible anywhere.

Eimear: Yeah. And I do think people are hungry for it. But just everyone's afraid of making the first move. And then back to dating apps.

Eimear: So I get slightly frustrated that everyone's like, oh, I want to meet somebody in real life. I don't want to meet them through online. I was like, but you will meet them in real life. If you meet them for a date, that is real life.

Eimear: And it's like, just almost think of it as lead generation. And I talk with clients about like this kind of energy split. So, you almost, when you're in the app part of like, you know, swiping, making matches and initial messages, you almost try to conserve your energy a little bit. And just think of it as like, as fast as I can, I'm going to move this along to asking them out.

Eimear: And you don't worry about if they say no, fine, on to the next one. Swipe through, look at profiles as quickly as you can, because the longer you're spending analyzing every inch of a profile to decide if you're going to be yes or no, it's taking energy and you may never meet that person. And just, you know, if you match, send a message straight away, don't even think about it, just send a message really quickly. Just try to get a bit of conversation going as quickly as it feels like comfortable.

Eimear: Say, hey, why don't we catch up for a coffee? I prefer that than long drawn out messages. And then when you meet them, that's when you want to like to slow down and make sure that you're giving that person the attention that they deserve and that you're present. Because we can continue to be in that like, oh, you know, on to the next, on to the next energy when we're meeting somebody.

Eimear: But actually, if you separate the two, and then when you go on the date, you're just slowing it down and you're like, you know, finding a way to make sure that you're really being yourself again, flip it. You know, instead of being in your head and being worried about what they're thinking about you, just focus on making sure they feel comfortable. You know, you can just relax a little bit more because you're not worrying about what you're saying or how you look or whatever.

Eden: And I think with what you've said there was a key point, is that dating apps and those profiles are a curated version of somebody. So you don't get caught up in it. Like just, you know, that's kind of what they want you to see, just to kind of spark a conversation. You have the conversation, you arrange a date.

Eden: But like I'm the same, I will use dating apps, but I kind of use them, as you've said, like unknowingly, I use them as a lead generation because it's just kind of access to people that I know that are looking for something similar. And we can have a brief chat before moving it to a coffee, seeing how the coffee goes. And it's kind of like, you've got to the next level. And then, you know, we'll keep like progressing them through the levels.

Eden: I know I'll get progress through the levels as well. It's not a one way system. Even if your hobbies don't require you to leave the house, there's people that will be interested in the same stuff. And I guess it's about trying to find people in online forums that may be in to the same thing, or joining a group of people that are in to the same thing.

Eden: Like there's still another option of meeting people that are in to those things, even if it's a solo hobby.

Eimear: Yeah, and I guess in those kind of online forums and stuff, potentially you could end up striking a conversation with somebody that lives close by. And then again, don't be afraid to say, let's meet for a coffee. And it doesn't have to be like, oh no, I've asked somebody out on a date and it's this big thing. It's just you're just meeting somebody with curiosity.

Eimear: And I think it's quite nice to bring that kind of in-person interaction into those online spaces as well.

Eden: I think what we're trying to say here is it's just a mix of the two, isn't it? It's not one or the other. It's you take elements of both and you see what works for you.

Eimear: Yeah, exactly.

Eden: I love that. Should we help somebody else?

Eimear: Yes.

Eden: OK, let me go for it. I matched with a guy in a dating app and we were chatting for a few days and it seemed like a genuine connection. We arranged a date and continued to chat, so everything seemed fine at the time. But then on the morning of the date, I noticed he blocked me.

Eden: How do you handle rejection when dating? It's always so deflating. This episode is brought to you by Kindling Dating Coaching. Ready to say goodbye to heartbreak?

Eden: I've teamed up with a dating coach so I can finally say yes to a relationship that truly lasts. For too long, I've closed myself off, struggled to open up, and lost myself along the way. But Kindling Dating Coaching is here to change that, helping you move forward of confidence, knowing the love you deserve is possible. With your coach, you'll gain the tools and support to cultivate a positive mindset and build healthy habits, putting you in control of your love story.

Eden: So what are you waiting for? Join the six week challenge alongside other Queer Love Stories listeners on a journey to finding real, lasting love. Tap the link in the show notes to get started with an exclusive listener discount, and let's rewrite your love story together.

Eimear: Yeah, that's pretty horrible.

Eden: And it's also very common, I think, as well.

Eimear: Yeah, I would say, recognize that it's a them issue. And quite often what we'll do is take that of, oh, what did I say that was wrong? What did I do wrong? Why have they decided that they don't want to see me?

Eimear: You know, and we can end up in these like massive spirals of self doubt and whatever story we already tell ourselves. So like in my case, I've always been quite conscious of my weight. So, you know, if I got rejection straight away, I'll be like, oh, they found somebody skinnier, or they realized I'm too chubby, which is absolutely probably not the case. But I would just use that as evidence to beat myself up for a few days, which I think is quite common.

Eimear: But actually that is 100 percent a damn issue. For whatever reason, they have their own challenges and their own struggles. You know, potentially they are worried about their weight. And then they got scared that when you saw them in person, you would judge them.

Eimear: Or maybe it's actually a fake profile and they're based in Timbuktu. Maybe it's somebody that's married and it's just, this is a fun pastime to do. And it's like, whatever story you need to tell yourself to be like, thought that, that's their problem. It's not going to impact my confidence.

Eimear: You find it and use that. It sounds quite brutal that I'm like, whatever, let's then move on. But my ex, before I met my husband, we had met through online. And when it's coming around to like our anniversary time, I couldn't remember exactly when we met.

Eimear: So I was like, I'm just going to log back into the app and see when we're messaged. And he's like, don't do that. Obviously, I'm like, well, now I'm going to do it. Still active online.

Eden: Oh my goodness.

Eimear: Yeah, and his excuse was, oh, I just kind of like knowing that I can get people interested in me, which is actually worse than cheating. But there are lots of people like that, that are just kind of on there for entertainment.

Eden: From your experience with him, I guess obviously it's kind of inflating his ego, and kind of like filling that self-doubt, or lack of self-confidence in some way.

Eimear: It was his own self-esteem issue, that he needed that external validation, which is sad. But that is, you know, there are lots of people like that, who are just sitting home on apps, and it's kind of gives them a little kick, or a little boost of validation. But they've never had any intention to actually meet somebody in person. And that's really horrible, that we as people, when we're out in the dating world, have to deal with that.

Eimear: But be very clear with yourself, that you know what, if that happens, they are not the kind of person I want to be with anyway.

Eden: Yeah, because you want to be with someone that's self-assured, and you know, confident with themselves, and also secure enough to be in that relationship. And it is difficult. And I think rejection is just kind of like part and parcel of dating, because, you know, I do feel like in this situation, it's not necessarily a rejection, because it gets, it's more on them, like you say. Yeah.

Eden: But it still doesn't mean that it is a shit. Yeah, it hurts.

Eimear: It's really shit. Yeah.

Eden: It's really shit.

Eimear: But it like, I think the key thing is to not allow it to spiral down into you beating yourself up or it knocking your confidence. It's just that person, for whatever reason, you can be kind and think maybe they have some challenges, or you can get angry and just say they're just a shit bag. Whether you want to get angry and punch something, or you want to just be like, breathe through it and say, well, poor them. They obviously don't have the self-confidence that I have, and I'm not letting this impact my self-confidence.

Eimear: And yeah, I think that's one of the harsh things about dating, is that there is rejection. You are looking for one person. So you're going to reject 99 people, 99 people are going to reject you. And I guess in real life meeting, like if we think back 10 years ago, you walked into a bar, you could scan a room with 20 people in about five minutes and pick out the two that you're interested in.

Eimear: You didn't have to engage in conversations and look through their profiles to then realize actually this isn't a thing. So I think it feels harsher through online, that objection bit, maybe?

Eden: Yeah. I actually just remembered something crazy that I used to do when I was on Hinge. If I was chatting to someone and either I had been on a date with them or were just chatting and they would suddenly ghost me, I would just leave it a few days and then I would send them the gravestone emoji. Like just after a while, they would clearly ghost me, I would just send them that like RIP this chat.

Eden: Like it's done. And sometimes it would actually spark the conversation up again, but by that point obviously I'm like, well, I don't want to see, or they'd come up with some excuse like, oh my God, my cat was lost. And then we had to search for them and then that's why I've not gotten in touch. I was like, okay, whatever.

Eden: But sometimes I just thought, just calling people out on that behavior, sometimes in a non-confrontational way, it's just like, I understand you, I imagine I'm aware of what's happening and I'm fine with it. Just whatever. But no, I think that's good. Making sure you know that it's not about you, it's about them.

Eden: And then in that moment as well, like if you're starting to spiral, maybe making a bit of a list of three things you like about yourself or three things you're grateful for, just to try and reaffirm that you are a good person and it's not any reflection on you.

Eimear: Yeah. And one of the tools that we did in week one of the coaching together is exactly that. Start a list, whether it's a physical notebook or it's a note section of your phone, and put in all the things that you love about yourself, be that physical appearance or your personality or your kindness, get people to give you words to add in to it, if you get a compliment, add that in. And in that moment, you can give yourself five, ten minutes of feeling completely deflated.

Eimear: But then you go back and read this list and go, actually, that person absolutely missed out because I am amazing.

Eden: Exactly.

Eimear: And we have to, I do think we have to constantly bring ourselves back to that when we're in dating because it can get into that negative, like I'm just trying to find somebody that will want me, but actually you're amazing and you're going to make somebody's life better. So bring yourself back into that space of what they missed out.

Eden: Yeah, and they should make your life better as well. You know, and it sounds like you're probably not the person that's going to add to it.

Eimear: That's just rude.

Eden: It's rude and we don't have time for rudeness. I don't have time for ghosting. I'm too old for that. So our next dilemma.

Eden: I'm a software engineer who has never dated and have very little life experience. I have spent most of my life friendless and don't really have any life stories. I have very few hobbies, but I do like to go jet skiing. Other than that, I'm quite a lone and boring guy with zero dating experience.

Eden: For my upcoming date, which is my first date ever, I'm worried that I will bore them. I don't know what to talk about during our date. I'm not really a good speaker and I'm a little bit socially awkward. What should I do for conversation?

Eimear: There's a little trick that is quite often used in networking. And it is, basically people like to talk about themselves, so make it about them. And that can feel, obviously a date is a two-way thing, and you're assessing whether that person is right for you as well. But when you're in that nervous energy and you're like, oh God, I don't know what to say, just really focus on, I'm going to make that person feel comfortable, and I'm going to ask them questions and give them a chance to talk and show who they are.

Eimear: And don't worry about what you're actually saying, because it's like a lot of people don't really get listened to anymore. Like if you've ever been out with a friend who you're talking and they're not really listening to you, they're just looking for a way to shoehorn in what they want to say. And actually, it's really powerful if you can just give space to somebody to talk about themselves, to share who they are, and to actively listen, pick up on something that they said, and then use that for what you say next instead of worrying about in your head, what am I going to say, what am I going to say, which means you're not actually listening. And there's a great thing that they use in improv, which is yes and.

Eimear: Basically in a conversation, you can either have yes and or no but. So if somebody says something and you go, no but, so you kind of disagree with what you've said, that conversation will end because you continue to kind of almost hit a wall. Whereas if you yes and it's, even if you don't agree with what they've said, if you can take what they've said and almost say it back, but then add to it. So it's like, oh yeah, that's an interesting point.

Eimear: And then that enables a conversation to flow because you're giving a conversation space rather than shutting it off.

Eden: Well, as soon as you said yes and, all I had in my head was Ariana Grande. That's the song. And I was like, oh my God, like I need to get that out of my head. But it is true.

Eden: And I think it is about kind of that, however it was a confirmation or a negative, you always kind of add that extra on to it, don't you? And like I say, it's just conversation and listening to people. But I get that it is difficult if you don't have the confidence.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: And you kind of, if you're not really that experienced, but you do have to remember that everyone has been in the same position before.

Eimear: Absolutely. Yeah.

Eden: Everyone started or went on their first date ever. And I think just the more confident you feel, and if it helps, like, you know, have a few different conversation topics that you want to cover or questions. They should also be asking questions and leading the conversation, not just up to you to do it. But also, what's crazy, I think, from that is that they said that one of their hobbies is jet skiing.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: And I'm like, that is so cool. Like, that is something you should definitely talk about, and that will spark conversation. And people are mostly engaged when they're having a conversation about something they're passionate about or interested about. So definitely make sure that your conversation is around that.

Eden: What are your passions and interests?

Eimear: And I think it's really sexy when somebody is passionate about something as well. Like, it doesn't even need to be anything particularly interesting, but just that they have dedicated time and committed their energy to something is really sexy when they're talking about it.

Eden: Yeah, because also for me, it does go to like a values thing as well. I really want someone who is ambitious and just kind of like... But that can be ambition in anything, as long as they're really focused on what they want in like an achievement sense or just, you know, investing their energy into something. That's such a turn on for me, because I think that's someone I want to be within a long-term relationship.

Eden: Like, yeah, I can find you attractive and I can find you sexy, but it's almost these other qualities, I think. Tick, tick, tick. These could be a potential long-term partner as well.

Eimear: Yeah, this person has said about being a software engineer, almost like people might be interested in that, but I think they would because it's quite a specific career, there's probably quite interesting projects that you've worked on. And just kind of allow that to flow out naturally, not feel like you have to put on a show and just allow it to just take all the kind of pressure out of it. You're just showing up to show who you are, and you're curious about who the other person is. If you need to almost in your head, tell yourself it's not a date, that it's just meeting somebody.

Eden: It's so funny because what I was just thinking then as well, it's getting to know someone, not getting married to them.

Eimear: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eden: Like you're just going and it's just seeing if you get on. You don't have to take it any further than that. It doesn't have to be anything more. It's just seeing what happens.

Eimear: And actually, this may be a bit overwhelming, but there's a nice article in the Metro back before Christmas on a lady who was divorced. So she was like, Oh God, I have to get back out dating. And I didn't expect to be here. And she just set a challenge for herself.

Eimear: She said, I'm going to do 30 dates in, I think she initially was thinking in a month, but she did in two months. So then, you know, swiping through online apps, it's not, oh, I'm looking for my next husband. It's just, I need to fill the date spot. I need to go on 30 dates in the next two months.

Eimear: That means I need to go on a date this week. So it's just finding someone to go on a date with. You're not like putting all this pressure on it that this person is going to be amazing. It's just, I need to have a date.

Eimear: And then the date as well, it's just like, it takes all the pressure out of it. It's just practice. It's, you know, I'm just going out as much as I can, with curiosity, to learn about somebody, to learn about myself, because I think every date kind of builds up into a picture of your body knowing what's right for you. And, you know, it sounds like kind of throw away, but actually when you set things like challenges or kind of gamify it a little bit, then it takes the pressure out that it's not built up into this big scary thing.

Eimear: It's just, I'm just meeting as many people as I can and see what happens.

Eden: I mean, even just the thought of going on 30 dates in like 31 days is absolute madness. Here are all the admin that's involved with that, like orchestrating the people that are free. And if someone cancels or goes to your last minute and you're like, oh, I've got to fill that slot.

Eimear: Like, Tuesday's canceled. Have you heard of that date stacking trend where people are doing like three dates in a day?

Eden: I could not do that. I've done two dates in a day once where it's like one's been coffee. And then like a few hours later, I've met someone for like dinner that's been like a bit of a, I've been on a few dates with them before. But yeah, it's too much brain power for me to like invest.

Eden: Like I need that time to recharge. Yeah, I just couldn't do it. Should we move on to our next, next dilemma? I like dogs, but I cannot stand my boyfriend's dog.

Eden: I'm a bit of a weird one. Wait, hang on. So, I like dogs, but I cannot stand my boyfriend's dog. We've been together for about a year.

Eden: She doesn't listen to him in the slightest. He refuses to discipline her, he lets her go on the bed, the list goes on. I've tried to tell him to get an extra training for her, but he refused, and then has opted to do it himself. When we do have her in her own bed, in the living room, we go downstairs, and she's constantly barking, trying to get into the room, and it's getting so out of the hand, he gives in and lets her sleep in the room on her bed.

Eden: But then she's waking up at 4 a.m., scratching herself and making a thumping sound on the floor, or she'll lick her paws and stuff, and I just can't stand the noise. It keeps waking me up two to three times a night. Is there a good way to deal with the situation?

Eimear: Do you want to go first on this one?

Eden: I can go first on this one because firstly, I would probably never get romantically involved with someone who had a dog. Someone with pets in general just wouldn't be a tick for me. And that is for many reasons. Firstly, because I just want the freedom to go on holiday.

Eden: I don't want that. And I also, I'm jealous. I don't want something coming to a higher standard than me. That you're gonna put that dog first before you're gonna put me, and I don't want to have to do it.

Eimear: No, bitch is coming before me.

Eden: Exactly, I'm sorry. And I don't want to have to share a bed with a dog because I think that is a bit gross. But I think with this situation, like, so you have been together a year, and if the dog was already there before you, then, you know, you kind of made that decision. But I think realistically, it's gonna just be about communicating with them how much it's like impacting you.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: And definitely not giving an ultimatum, because that's probably one of the worst things you can do.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: It's not like it's me or the dog. But what compromise can you come to here? Because you can't live like this. And if they're actually not following through with what they've said, that for me is something that would impact me in a negative way.

Eden: Because I'd actually be really upset, like if someone was in a relationship with, said they were going to do something and then didn't. That for me is like a breach of trust.

Eimear: You know, in all relationships, you will hit things where you have opposing views on it, or you know, somebody is a bit more like, you might bring an issue and they're a bit flippant, like, oh, whatever, get over it. But it is exactly that. It's phrasing it in terms of the impact that it's having on you and how it's making you feel. And it's not assigning blame to the dog or to him.

Eimear: It's just, this is not a good situation for me. And how can we as a couple come to a solution that's going to mean everyone's happy, the dog and me and you? And the only thing that's slight alarm bell that is ringing in my head, and I have two small kids, and you're parenting, if that is a route that you're thinking of going with this partner, is hard because you are on the cuff working out what your parenting style is, and you have to be aligned on that. You know, I think when she mentioned about disciplining the dog, that's where I was like, ah, OK, because if, you know, imagine fast forward, you have a three year old and one of you is strict and the other one's like, oh, it's fine.

Eimear: Just give them the sweets or the chocolate or do whatever to stop the tantrum. That will cause issues. You know, maybe this is a bit of a test of like, can you guys through open communication get to compromise and be aligned? Because that's probably something that you're going to need in the future to go the distance.

Eden: Definitely. And we will come back to pairing ting very shortly. But yeah, I think to be honest, what more can we say about that? It's just communication, isn't it?

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: It's just saying how you feel truly about it. And again, no blame at anyone's door, but it's just about how it makes you feel.

Eimear: Yeah. And you know, a supportive partner needs to take that on board of how you feel and want to come up with a solution.

Eden: So, our next dilemma. I've been dating someone new the last month. We're both in our 30s. We have not slept together yet.

Eden: I have a rule about getting tested and sharing results before sleeping with someone new. I know it sounds like a lot, but my sexual health is important to me. The guy I've been seeing says he's only had two consistent partners in the last year, and we're both regularly tested, though he was not. He said he didn't feel the need to, since his partners were getting tested all the time.

Eden: I told him he can do as he pleases with his body, but I won't be sleeping with someone without a recent test. He also got weird when I mentioned about using condoms, even with negative results. I like him, but this conversation has me feeling a little concerned. The fact that a sexually active adult isn't getting tested makes me worried about getting into bed with them.

Eden: Am I asking too much, or is my stance completely reasonable?

Eimear: I think it's completely reasonable. It's a stance I hold as well. And it's not necessarily about like, oh, you know, everybody's slept with so many people, I'm fine. And you don't know what they've been doing.

Eimear: It just takes one partner someplace along the line that has spread something to somebody not knowing they have it and it keeps spreading. I think it's basic hygiene, to be honest.

Eden: Yeah. Well, I think you just can't compromise with health. And I think they're completely in the right to not want to have sex with someone if they're not going to get tested. But also, it's like a comfort level.

Eden: And you shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with sexually. And it's just kind of being really clear with that. I think what I would like to kind of know and get into is maybe like the reason why this person hasn't or doesn't want to get tested because it can probably be a intimidating experience.

Eimear: You can get at home kids now.

Eden: But exactly. Yeah, exactly. You can get at home kids. You can literally do the swabs and spit and whatever yourself.

Eden: I don't know. I was going to say just order them a test. But maybe that's a bit forward. No, no.

Eimear: They're grown adults. They can order themselves.

Eden: Yeah, that is very true. But also I do think that person like living somewhere like Leeds, our sexual health clinic is awful. It's awful. You cannot get booked in there.

Eden: They've actually moved out of the city center. So I can understand in that respect. God, it's such a ball out because you just can't. Like I say, you can get these at home tests and then you'll just get referred over to them and get an appointment anyway, if you need to.

Eden: But even with the other person getting tested, it's just peace of mind, isn't it?

Eimear: Yeah. And also I think it's kind of a respect thing. And like you touched on, like why are they so resistant to it? And if you're going to be in a relationship with somebody, you want to know that they are there for you and supporting you.

Eimear: You know, this isn't just for you, this is for everyone's sexual health. So would you trust that person? If they're not willing to do, well, I mean, maybe we're the enlightened few, but what we think is quite a basic thing.

Eden: But I guess it does come down to that trust as well, because for me, I obviously want to be able to trust that person. And also with the they mentioned using condoms and getting a bit like jittery or whatever about that. But for me, if you're not in a committed relationship, I think that's completely fine to use condoms, because they could be sleeping with other people if you've not had that conversation. And again, you just want to have that extra layer of protection for yourself, that your health is not going to be compromised by someone else's decisions.

Eimear: Yeah. As a woman, I can get a bit angry, feminist about this, but people see contraceptive as preventing pregnancy, but it's not. It is for sexual health. And it's like, I don't know why people are like, I don't know, to the condoms, it's a necessary evil.

Eimear: They're not amazing, but it's a necessary evil until you know...

Eden: But neither is, you know, neither is super gonorrhea.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: Just use the condom.

Eimear: Yeah, until you've both been tested and you know that you're not safer than anybody else.

Eden: Exactly. When you've got that commitment, then you can go with it. And it doesn't have to be a relationship, but, you know, it does have to be, we are only having sex with each other.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: Perfect. I think we've got time for another one, and then should we move on to my own issues. I'm female and I'm starting to entertain the idea of dating again. And I've recently met someone on Hinge that I had a great date with.

Eden: He has disclosed he has two children, both 19 years and 10 years old. And he would like to meet someone he can build a life with and have more children with. I've never seriously dated someone with children, but I see potential and we both want to see each other again. I'm unsure about my stance on having kids too.

Eden: Do you have any tips for navigating this if we do continue to see each other?

Eimear: It's kind of frustrating because it's so basic, but open communication. Allow this person to show them who they are. You know, you can't just make assumptions because they have kids or, you know, kind of allow them to show who they are, see if you click and then you talk around things about, well, what does it mean? What, how would our life together work with your kids?

Eimear: Are they shared custody, not already in university at whatever age? Like, you know, the kind of realities of how our building a life together will be. And that's the same in any relationship, whether somebody has kids or not. And equally with the decision of not being sure whether you want kids or not.

Eimear: Again, it's the two of you kind of coming together to be like, well, what is the life that we want to build? And do we align on that?

Eden: And I think it's important to have the idea of how that might look in the future. I do think personally, and I've said this before, that it changes. It depends on who you're with. It depends on the circumstance.

Eden: You might decide that, no, you don't want children, but then you could meet someone in a few years' time. But actually, no, I really do. Completely depends on who you're with. I think for me, this is quite like an interesting topic and something I do have a lot of feelings about, even though I don't have children.

Eden: But I think growing up with my parents being divorced, I do think it's really important to have that separation of the person not being involved with the children for a good chunk of time until you fully got to know each other well enough and establish whether there is long term before you bring them in to meet the children, whatever age they might be, because it is difficult and it can be challenging to have those people coming in and then just leaving really. But also, if you are going to date someone that is a parent, I also believe that you need to be involved with the children when it gets serious, because it's not just that you're in a relationship, you will still be a step-parent whether you want to be or not. You're involved in those kids' lives and it's important that you invest that time in them and build that relationship and bonds.

Eimear: Yeah, and that can be a beautiful relationship, being a step-parent.

Eden: Absolutely.

Eimear: I guess it's you as a couple working out what that might involve and how committed you are to it. And I think there's no hard and vast rules of like when you're introduced to the kids or anything.

Eden: No.

Eimear: That really has to go at a pace that's comfortable for the kids, predominantly, but then your partner, the mother of the kids, so that everyone's happy and everyone's comfortable. Like we can't, you know, sometimes I think people can have certain milestones in their heads when it comes to a relationship of like, oh, we must move in by this time and we must be engaged or this, that and the other by this time. And somebody having kids doesn't necessarily fit into that, but that doesn't mean they're any less committed to you. It just means that they've got other considerations to work through as well.

Eden: Yeah.

Eimear: And it's, you know, how do you do that in the most sympathetic way that everyone is seen and heard? Because you don't want to rush ahead with a plan of, I want to move in by this time and this kid's really unhappy about it. I can't have that kind of situation.

Eden: Yeah. I think what is interesting as well is going back to something you said in one of our previous questions is that you've actually got it quite good here as well to see that if you are like sussing out this person to spend your life with them, and potentially have children with them, you can see exactly what type of parent they are.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: Like you've got an insight into it straight away without actually thinking, oh, I wonder what they're like. You know what they're like. You can see it. And that would be really helpful.

Eden: And also gives you an opportunity as well to think it is different with stepchildren, but to just consider what type of parent you would like to be. But yeah, I think definitely just go for it, kind of navigate it as exactly as you would any other potential relationship.

Eimear: Yeah, I guess going back to the dog, where you said you'd be jealous of the dog. I think that is one of the considerations that you need to be aware of. That person, they might want you to be their priority, but they do have other priorities. Absolutely.

Eimear: They are walking a tricky tightrope, and maybe they've not done that before and they don't know how to navigate it, so you'll have to give them grace. But also give yourself grace, because sometimes maybe the green-eyed monster might come up, and that's okay as long as you work out why you're feeling that and what you need to feel more secure, so you're not feeling it. Because, yeah, I mean, I think kids are just such precious things that you want to make sure whatever you guys are doing is not negatively impacting them. So, you know, if the green-eyed monster comes up, take some time, reflect, have a conversation with your partner, be open.

Eimear: And how do we navigate this in future? How do I feel more secure in this relationship so that's not coming out? Or, you know, if you're feeling like your second priority, how do we navigate this? Because it's not as simple as it's just two people involved in a relationship.

Eimear: There are more considerations when there's already kids.

Eden: Absolutely.

Eimear: But it can be really lovely, I think.

Eden: Yeah, I mean, I love my step parents and we have such a great relationship, have a great relationship with both of them. And, you know, part of that is because I really love to see both my parents happy.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: And happy relationships. But also it's because, you know, we've taken the time to get to know each other. You've just got to navigate it and just, like you say, protect the children in this as well, that you're not rushing things because there are other people that it impacts. It's not the same as another relationship, but it still should be in most cases.

Eimear: And actually, I think, I mean, slightly controversial opinion, but I think potentially...

Eden: Oh, we look controversial.

Eimear: Well, potentially as a father, higher emotional intelligence than other guys that you may have dated.

Eden: That is our questions for this episode. I've actually really loved this. It's kind of been great to get back on recording with someone else because I've been recording by myself for so long now. So thank you.

Eden: But before you go, I actually want to delve into my own dating dilemma and see if I can do some... Yes, a bit of resolution. So you can ask whatever questions you want. I'll give you a bit of a overview.

Eden: But as you probably remember from our conversations, I had been spending time with someone. We'd been dating. I'd been kind of like half in, half out, like wanting to take my time.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: Enjoying spending time with this person, but also wanting to protect myself and not get hurt. And basically not fully commit to this person. But I didn't want to see anyone else. I'm now in the position, we've been on holiday together.

Eden: We spend more than once a week together.

Eimear: Which is big for you.

Eden: Which is very, very big. Slowly the walls have started to come down a little bit. I'm a bit more responsive in my communication. And it's kind of getting to this point where it's like, I'm still shit scared.

Eden: I do really like this person. I love spending time with them. There's just still something holding me back that I just can't place my finger on. But I'm in this moment now where I need to make a decision whether I end this situation shit or commit.

Eden: Because realistically, it's been like five months now. Which is pretty crazy.

Eimear: I mean, to me, it kind of sounds like you are in a relationship. If you're not seeing other people, you're spending good quality time together, going on holidays together. Why?

Eden: I know, but there's no label there.

Eimear: Why does it need a label?

Eden: Well, because I think just now it's getting to the point where it's a bit difficult or awkward to refer. We've still not stepped over that line. And I think for me, that lack of label is just another form of protection. It's like, if I'm in a relationship with you, then there's potentially can really hurt me.

Eden: And I think sometimes if I give a direct answer, I'm someone who really just, I commit to my word if I say I'm going to do something. So for me to like give direct answers or say something, or be upfront, or even like offer reassurance, I need to know that I can follow through that and commit to it. So there's definitely potential that I'm being a little bit wishy-washy, a little bit uncertain in some areas. And obviously that's having a negative impact because then he's feeling confused.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: But I'm confused myself. So no wonder he's confused.

Eimear: So in the present moment, all is good. So it's fear of future that's holding you back.

Eden: The present moment is good. However, we'll just keep you going in a bit of a loop. Like the communication breaks down completely. And then it's like, what do you want?

Eden: And I'm like, oh, I don't know what I want. I don't want to make a solid commitment or a decision because I just, I'm happy.

Eimear: What's the fear?

Eden: I just don't know. I think I just like know that this year as well, I'm going to have a lot of like upheaval. I want to move cities, which we've spoken about, and there's the potential for that to still work. I don't know, this is why I just can't scratch.

Eden: There's just something there that I'm like, is stopping me.

Eimear: It's because you're a heart shielder.

Eden: I'm a heart shielder, but how do I stop shielding this heart?

Eimear: You have to be able to fear and do it anyway. Because that's the, I mean, it's a really frustrating answer, but that's the reality. You cannot let love in while you're trying to keep heart out. You can't, it's not possible because it's the same door that you're keeping closed to keep the heart out, that you're not opening to let the love in.

Eimear: For it to work, you have to just take a chance and say, okay, I'm in, let's let the love in. And it is scary because it could end up in hurt, but you've pulled yourself through worse and you'll be fine.

Eden: That is very true.

Eimear: And it's trusting you. It's not even that the other person is trusting you that you will be okay. You can look after you. Yeah, you can't have love without potential for hurt, sorry.

Eden: I think that is actually really helpful. I think one of the things that I have noticed is what you've said there is that you can look after you, you can pull yourself through it. And part of my problem is that I know that, and I know that I can rely on myself, I can look after myself. So sometimes even allowing somebody else to be there and offer support is so difficult for me.

Eden: I'd just rather do it myself, because then it's like, well, I can't be let down, or what if they're not there? Or, you know.

Eimear: Yeah. I would go back to week two when we wrote that diary entry of what you want to feel in a relationship. I would go back to that and allow yourself to dream. And it's your overriding that fear with being able to envision how good it will be to have somebody to support you and how good it will feel to be in that relationship where you've got their back and they've got yours.

Eimear: And that's worth taking a chance for.

Eden: I'm going to reread that today. I think that's a very good idea.

Eimear: And do the Hartshielder audio series.

Eden: Yes. Well, actually, that is something I'm going to make a note of. And I will include a link to that quiz in the show notes so everyone else can do it as well. It's so annoying because I know if I'd have done that, I probably would have not had this situation arise, but here we are.

Eden: I didn't.

Eimear: And I think the breakdown of communication is coming because you guys don't have clear expectations. This happens in all relationships. We all have to navigate what it means, what each other expects, what's important to each other. And even like doing some of those kind of, even just to both do an exercise of like what's on our vision board for the next year or so, and then discuss it and how does it align.

Eimear: Because then it's taking it away from, I guess the fear is coming from the recent hurt that you've had is still, you know, your body still. And, you know, our brains naturally tend towards fear, right? They are always looking for danger so you don't get eaten by a tiger in caveman times. But now we're so overstimulated.

Eimear: If your body has like any kind of blueprint of relationships equals hurt, it's gone, no, no, no, we're not letting them do that. We'll stop them from doing that. So you have to consciously override that by seeking out the hope and seeking out the love and the dream and the, you know, how amazing this could be.

Eden: Yeah. I've got to pursue it to rewrite this story.

Eimear: Yeah.

Eden: For myself really. Now that is very helpful and it's, I kind of know what I need to do. Yeah, I guess it's just about pushing myself to do it and just thinking, come on, you can do this.

Eimear: I think it might be quite nice to do it with him. Let's say that diary entry. Share that exercise with him and both of you do it, and then read each other's.

Eden: I'm reading my diary. It's so personal. As long as he's not reading my actual diary. Wouldn't end well.

Eden: Yeah, exactly. You can read the lab. And we are very similar on those things as well. Like on New Year's, he did my goal setting party with me, which is very sacred to me.

Eden: And I wouldn't really let just anyone do that. So yeah, we're very aligned with that. And actually just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't still be independent. That's what I'm struggling with right now.

Eimear: Yeah, you can. It's finding that balance. That both of you are feeling like you have what you need for you as an individual, but you're also getting what you need from the other person as a partner.

Eden: Yeah.

Eimear: And that's tricky to find what that balance is.

Eden: Yeah.

Eimear: Sometimes because we don't know what each other is expecting unless we're openly communicating.

Eden: Exactly.

Eimear: There it is again.

Eden: Yeah. Well, what a fantastic place to end it. Thank you so much for joining me today in answering some listener questions and also my own question as well, which has been really helpful. Where can everyone get into contact with you if they want to talk about dating, coaching, all the good stuff?

Eimear: So I am most active on Instagram, Kindling underscore Dating. You can go directly to my website, kindlingdating.com, and there you can access the quiz so you can find out which persona you're in. You can also find out about my group work and just book in a call with me. I do like a quick 15 minute coaching session.

Eimear: That's no obligations and free, so we can start there. Obviously, we have our CoLab special edition for Queer Love Stories listeners that will be launching on March 25th. And we're doing a 10% discount on that. So it's a six week coaching program, 10% discount for your listeners.

Eimear: And then we're also going to donate some money to the production of Queer Love Stories podcast.

Eden: Yay!

Eimear: From every sale, because I know that would be really great to get next season out for you as well.

Eden: Yes, it would, because I think that's probably something I'm struggling with, to be honest. It's production, it's getting everything to the high quality that I want. But definitely sign up to, or just inquire about the coaching series that we're doing for Queer Love Stories listeners, because I honestly do think it did change my life. So thank you so much, because I do feel much more aware of areas in which it kind of holding me back and although like we had a conversation today and I'm still working through that, sometimes it's going to take more than six weeks to deal with things that you've been doing for 30 years.

Eden: But if you're aware, you can start making changes and you can start questioning and having that self-awareness about it.

Eimear: And to the six weeks, we aim to give everyone a toolkit. So you have those things to go back on. So exactly that was like, go back to week two, refresh yourself on what we did in week two.

Eden: No, absolutely. So thank you all for listening, everyone. If you love this podcast, please make sure you leave a rating or a view on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, because it really helps us find more people who are interested in the content we're putting out. And you can also follow me on Instagram at Queer Love Stories podcast, or on TikTok, because I've started doing TikToks now, which is super exciting.

Eden: And I will have a new series soon. I'm not going to say a day, I'm just going to say soon. But yeah, thanks very much. It's been such a pleasure.

Eden: We'll speak soon. If you follow me on Instagram, you'll know that clear, healthy skin is always something I've strived for. So since August 2022, I've been using Skinny Me, and honestly, it's been a game changer. I know what it's like to struggle with acne whilst dreaming of flawless skin.

Eden: While perfection may be impossible, I can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've ever been in my own skin, and I have Skinny Me to thank for that. Firstly, it's prescription strength. This isn't just some over-the-counter stuff, it's the real deal. They send your treatment right to your door every month, so you'll never have to worry about running out.

Eden: They'll prescribe the right ingredients for your unique skin, so you know you're getting the treatment plan that's just for you. So if you're looking for a reliable, effective and cruelty-free solution for your skincare needs, I highly recommend giving Skinny Me a try. It's been a game changer for me, and I think you'll love it too. Check out the link in the show notes to get 85% off your first month and take that step toward healthier, happier skin.

Eden: Your skin will thank you, and so will I.