One year on after heartbreak...

One year on from my very public breakup — what's actually changed, and what's next for the podcast.

It's officially been a year since my public breakup and the series that came with it. In this solo episode of Queer Love Stories, I'm reflecting honestly on what's actually changed since then: the situationship, the dates, the growth, and the ways I'm still learning to let people in.

I'm also announcing a new direction for the podcast — more solo episodes exploring self-fulfillment, healing, and what it really takes to be ready for a secure relationship, alongside guest interviews recorded over the past year. Plus, big news: I've decided to leave Leeds and start fresh in Manchester.

Whether you're a year out from your own heartbreak or right in the thick of it, this episode is your reminder that healing isn't linear — and that's okay.

Follow me on Instagram and TikTok @queerlovestoriespodcast, and leave a review if this one made you feel seen.

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Transcript

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Hello, lovers, so glad to be back with you. I know you're probably thinking, where the hell have I been? And the truth is, I have had one of the busiest years of my life, and it's only August, but I just want to apologize because I said I'd have a series for you, and I basically haven't. I've not done it.

I've been recording some episodes. I've come into a lot of difficulties when it comes to tech, and I've just been kind of like struggling to manage everything, really. I've just been spreading myself too thin, if I'm perfectly honest, and that's something I do want to get better at. And I just kind of realized that one thing I want to embrace through my life in August particularly, is I feel like I've lost a bit of my creativity, and I've not been leaning into my creative outlets.

Like, don't get me wrong, I've had a lot of fun because I've been having a lot of social outlet. I've been spending a lot of time with friends. I've been seeing family. My weekends have been busy.

I've been booked and busy, but I've just not had that time that it's been for myself. And, you know, some people use that time for themselves to actually just, you know, chill or read or rest. I'm not like that. When I have time to myself, I want to focus on projects.

But because I've been too busy, I've not had the time. However, that is all about to change right now because I'm here. And we've got a bit of an interesting episode today. This isn't exactly how I wanted to start my new project, which we'll get into later.

But it's been one year since I had my very public emotional breakdown. Yes, that's right. It's been a year since my breakup and since I did that series. And oh my god, what a year it has been.

First, I just wanted to check in with you all, let you know how I'm doing. And I'm actually doing pretty damn good, to be honest. In fact, I'm doing better. I'm doing fantastic.

I've spent so much time putting into myself, having fun, focusing on what I want to do, and really just enjoying single life. I've had a situation ship, you know, a six month situation ship. I've had dates. I've had fun.

I've just enjoyed myself. I'd say it's been a little bit confusing at times, especially when I've been getting into, like, romantic entanglements, and maybe I'm not quite ready, and that's something we'll go into. But overall, when I think back to this time last year, I was a fucking mess. I was absolute mess.

And even listening back to the final episode I did of that breakup series, which was only seven weeks after the breakup, and in that episode, I was basically saying how amazing I was doing. But it was a bit of a lie, if I'm honest. I did think I was doing well because I was doing so much better than I had been doing. Like, I mean, I could, you know, get on with my day.

I felt good. But actually, I think at the time, I was probably suppressing a lot of emotions. I was maybe masking that I was doing better than I thought because I felt like I should be, because I'd been so public with the healing process that I felt like I needed to box it off. I knew I was done recording, and I kind of wanted to box it off nicely.

Right, that's my healing done. Obviously, does not work like that quite, does it? And I basically had a good few months following that. I was still dealing with that aftermath of that, but not actually dealing with it.

You know, I also did my dating rehab series with E-mail, which was so much fun. And I can't quite help but feel a little bit gutted by the fact that I don't think I got the most out of that because I wasn't ready to fully embrace it. And I kind of got into a pretty serious situation ship, which was from September till about March time. And I'm still not quite sure how I feel about that because I basically had my break up and then had another break up in the March time because I couldn't open up and I couldn't be there emotionally.

And there's still thoughts with that. Was I ready? Did I actually even want to open up? Is that why I couldn't do it?

Because sometimes you think if it was the right person or the right guest environment, you would do it anyway, whether you were ready or not. So yeah, it's been a lot. And I just thought I'd give you a little bit of a catch up on what's been going on, what I've been up to. And then we'll go on to where I'm going.

I also just want to take some time to reflect on that breakup series. And at the time, it did feel like the right thing to do. And I don't regret it at all. I think it was the right thing to do.

I stand by it. I am aware that I definitely hurt people by releasing that series. In a way, it was quite a selfish thing to do. But you know what?

I'm kind of a selfish person sometimes. In addition to listening to my breakup series, well, that last episode of it, I also started listening to the last episode of the Dating Series to try and compare how I am to that person, because that was more towards the end of the year. That was like Christmas time that I finished that. And what I thought was quite interesting was that I was told to set a relationship goal.

And I said by November 2026, I wanted to have a free flowing, emotionally open relationship with someone fun and ambitious. And I have been doing nothing to work towards that. There's something holding me back. And what I think it is, is there's still that self reflection I need to focus on.

I'm not fully healed from the inside. There's still things holding me back. It's trust issues with people. It's feeling like I don't want to let someone in because I don't want to get hurt.

I was deeply, deeply hurt last year when that relationship ended. But at the same time, when I reflect that time in the relationship, was I really happy? No, I wasn't. Because I can see myself now, and I know where I'm sat.

I know where I am. I know where I am with myself. And I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life, except my relationship area, because I just cannot seem to connect with people. Even when I'm trying to, it's almost like I'm trying to force it.

And that's actually what I want to work on going forward. So this is what I'm kind of tasking myself with, because you'll have noticed there's been no series. I've not released any episode since March, and that was a bonus one-off episode. And I've basically been saying, I'm going to be releasing a new series since this time last year.

I've got four episodes recorded that are interviews with guests, and I am going to start releasing those. But I also want to just take a bit more ownership of this podcast and intersperse my own recordings. I realized that during the breakup one, what people really appreciated was the fact that I was shining a light on how to heal post-breakup. And it got me thinking that I'm actually going through a process where I want to heal my relationship wounds, my issues around trust, and why not make something out of it?

Why not record this process? Because I'm sure there's so many other people like me going through this that want to do it, but aren't really sure how. I know that I'm going to figure it out as I go along, which leads me into something I'm trying to embrace going forward as well. And this isn't all honesty, and I'm sure a lot of you probably can pick it up.

One of my issues in life, I am a deeply emotional, sensitive person. However, I am quite performative, and what I mean by that is put me in a social situation and I'll perform. I'll put myself in the center of attention. So I'm really trying to embrace authenticity over performance.

And in this podcast, I do turn up and I have been performative, especially when it comes to the Dating Rehab series. I think we mentioned it in one of the episodes where I just was like, yeah, kind of the microphone turns on, or like I was coming to the recordings with Ema in podcast mode, rather than in, hi, it's Eden here and I just want to sort my shit out. So whenever I'm recording by myself, I want to be honest. I'm just going to come and I'm going to speak into the microphone, talk through my shit, and then perhaps what I want to work on that week.

It's going to be a difficult road, but kind of going to just work through it and see what happens. So where do I go from here? Well, I've got some pretty big news, which some of you might remember if you listen to the breakup series, that I kind of toyed with the idea that I said this was going to be my last year in Leeds. And it is, well, it has been, I guess, actually, because it's a year later and I'm moving to Manchester.

I have got a flat sorted and I move at the end of August, and I'm really excited. I also said that I was going to make sure I had the best year of my life in Leeds. Like I just wanted to have the best time, make the best memories, so it was really difficult to leave. And unfortunately, I have done that, which means that over the last few months, it's been really difficult for me to make that decision.

I've made it so much more homely and so much more comfortable for myself. That I don't really want to leave, but I know it's the right decision, I know it's the right thing for me to have that change, to have that bigger city, and to live that sex in the city life that I'm really calling for right now. I'm going to move from the Carrie Bradshaw of Leeds to the Carrie Bradshaw of Manchester, and I'm really just going to embrace it, and I'm going to have a lot of fun, I'm going to meet a lot of new people, and I'm going to just buy shoes. I don't know, I'm just going to have a great time.

Also something that I'm looking to do, I'm simplifying my life, but by simplifying it, I'm hoping to supercharge it, because if I focused all the energy that I have, and have a lot of energy, I'm such an energetic person, but I basically just end up leaving like a trail of half-finished projects in my wake, and never really complete things, and probably why I have issues with commitment, because I can't keep a relationship, and I can't keep a project going for more than a year. And finally, the third focus that I have, I'm focusing on self-fulfillment. So that when I'm ready, I can finally attract the right partner, and have a secure relationship. And that's what we're going to be working through, through this podcast.

It's going to be all about self-fulfillment, how we find it, how we nurture it. So then when I am ready, I can kind of start dating again properly, with the idea that I want to find a secure partner. Not sure how this podcast is going to develop over the time. It's a bit of a different direction for Queer Love Stories.

It's going to predominantly be solo episodes each week. And then I will add in a guest episode, kind of like as and when, like I've already got four recorded, so I'll kind of like maybe bring those out alternate weeks. One thing I do want to do every episode, because I'm kind of going to record these weekly, I basically got gifted some tarot cards at the weekend. And I'm a big fan of tarot, obviously, I'm a big fan of anything spiritual or psychic or, you know, a bit woo woo.

And I have done two episodes where I have had my tarot cards read. And basically, I want to just get the cards, I'm going to give them a shuffle, and then I'm going to ask the universe what it's trying to tell me about love and relationships. So are you ready? I'm going to get them out.

Right, I'm going to shuffle. I'm so bad at shuffling as well. What does the universe want me to know about love and relationships this week? What message is the universe trying to send me about my love and relationships with other people and myself?

Oh, oh, God. Those two just fell out. I'm going to put those to the side just because I don't know if they do mean something or if I'm just ready about it shuffling. I'm going to turn the first card over.

Am I going to do one card? Oh, okay. Okay, this is interesting. So I've got the page of Pentecost.

Now, I am going to just try and look at it and just guess what I think it means rather than looking up a meaning. So I've got the page of Pentecost, which is basically kind of like a young man, I would say, really, just on a really nice landscape. There's like trees, a mountain, the background. There's like buds of flowers like at his feet, but they're not like fully grown.

And he's like looking up, he's holding a pentacle, which is basically a star, like on a coin, I would say. And he's kind of like looking at it with admiration. So I guess he's kind of found something, or he's got the seed of something, and he's wanting to nurture this to see where it can go. So actually, the fact that I've just got this card feels quite nice.

It feels like actually I'm doing the right thing. I've got something, I'm just going to nurture it, and I'm just going to nurture myself and then watch where it grows, and it's something special. So that's what I'm going to say that means. And then I've got two more that fell out.

Again, not sure if it's just because I'm a bad shuffler, or if the universe is trying to tell me something, but it was the four of pentacles and the two of wands. So the four of pentacles is somebody in a dress. They are holding one of the pentacles. They're really like clinging on.

One's at the crown and two at their feet. So I guess that kind of sound seems like maybe quite balanced, but they're also holding it quite awkwardly. Maybe they've got the tools, they're just not really sure how to use them. That's what I might say about that one.

And then the two of wands, he's kind of like looking out into the distance. He's got the world in his hands. Again, that's kind of like the start of a journey to me. It looks quite promising.

He's got one with him, but he's kind of like the second bit there is stationed. It looks almost like it's padlocked to the ground. So I guess maybe he's going on this journey, but he's got to leave something behind. Let's see what our good friend ChatGPT thinks about this.

Now I know this is like a supercomputer, and it's supposed to like be able to cure cancer, but I'm just going to use it to like read my tarot. Perfect. So let's break it down. So the main pull, which is the page of Pentacles, which I said is kind of like someone on a journey.

This is the card of new foundations, learning and planting seeds. It's youthful and full of potential, especially when it comes to creating stability and value in your life. In the context of self-loving relationship, it suggests you're in a phase of building something long term, but you're still at the beginning of that process. So the message here is you're learning how to truly invest in yourself, not just emotionally, but also physically and energetically.

You're starting to understand what you're worth and what it takes to build a relationship with yourself or someone else that lasts. That's really weird, isn't it? Because that's basically what I just spent the whole episode saying I'm doing. This card often encourages patience.

You might be eager for deep connection or external fulfillment, but the universe is asking you to nurture yourself like a long-term project. That's so weird, because that's exactly what I'm doing. So I think that's pretty much spot on. So I'm also put the jumpers in, which was the four of pentacles and the two of ones.

So let's see what it says about that. So the four of pentacles, this is the holding on or guarded heart card. Oh my god. It can suggest clinging to something for safety, whether it's old beliefs, past hurt, or a need to control your environment.

So the message here is, are you protecting your heart a bit too tightly? Yes. It's understandable, especially after grief or heartbreak, but this card gently suggests that true love requires openness. Self-love also means knowing you can let go of old narratives without losing your grounding.

I'm actually gonna cry right now. I can't cry in the first episode, for god's sake. Yeah, I am doing that. I'm going through life completely guarded.

I am holding onto my heart too tight. It's why the situation ship didn't work at the start of the year. It's why I've been on dates and then not really got past date one or date two, because I just can't be bothered with the rigmarole of it all. So it says, paired with the page, this says, you want to go and explore, but part of you is still in cell protection mode.

There's some unlearning or unreleasing that needs to happen before your next chapter fully opens. It's actually a full moon this week, so, well, at time of recording, so maybe I'll do something there with the lease, actually. I'm going to look into that, and I'm going to make that a task that I do. Some kind of release thing with the full moon.

Why not? Jumper two was the two of ones. This is the card of vision. Future planning and stepping outside your comfort zone, it shows someone holding the world in their hands, literally considering what could be next.

You're on the verge of something new, but you're still making decisions between comfort and expansion. The two of ones asked. Ask sorry. What do you really want from love, from self love?

Are you willing to explore unknown territory to get it? This is a yes card when it comes to dreaming big. You may have been playing it safe, but your spirit wants to stretch. Okay, so real interesting there.

So we've got the guarded heart card, which is funny that that jumped out of the deck. And then we've got this page of pentacles, which is all about this new journey and this new need to nurture something within me. And then we have this vision card, but it is basically saying that you need to push yourself and you need to stretch. So that is what I will do.

Let's see, it's actually got like an overall message here as well. The universe is saying you're at the beginning of something grounded, real and deeply fulfilling, but you must be willing to both protect your worth and take bold steps into the unknown. You are safe to open. You are learning what love looks like when it's rooted in your own values first.

This is quite nice actually. I feel like it's nicely led in to what I need to do. I'm going to just consider how I can focus on this whole letting go process and figure out what it is I need to let go of. And I'll be honest, it's probably part of the reason why I'm leaving Leeds.

We'll probably go into that in another episode in a couple weeks. Well, that's all for now. So in the meantime, you can catch up with me on Instagram or TikTok. I'm actually going to spend more of my time on TikTok now, to be honest.

Like I just get so much more out of it. I think it's so much better. That's at Queer Love Stories podcast. You can find me on there for all things love, life, and relationships.

You can also follow me directly if you want. And I'm at It's Eden Heath on Instagram. It's basically just pictures of me or Sex and the City memes, to be honest. So yeah, if that's your thing, there it is.

And don't forget to write a review for the podcast. It's honestly so helpful and I love hearing what you have to say. And if you've not got time to write a review, just press five stars because it's super simple and it brightens my day. So thank you very much, lovers.

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